Shadows of the Moon

Good Morning everyone ~

Wow, I'm actually writing a entry :) Sorry about the delay but it's been crazy here the last couple weeks, that's all I can say :)

Thanksgiving was quiet, spent it over at Cindy's Mom and Dad's house with her nephew. I cooked and baked what I said I would ~ the ham, harvest peach bread and blueberry bread with walnuts & the Chocolate Mocha Tiaramisu Layer Cake... also fixed some homemade mashed potatoes and homemade from scratch macaroni & cheese. C's Mom had the turkey that C. received from work, she also fixed homemade cranberry sauce, dressing, a (from scratch) chocolate meringue pie & lemon one, something called "pink stuff" lol ~ we didn't stay that long because everyone was tired. We brought home the leftovers etc. and have been munching on those off and on. Last night I baked Chicken and Rice in the oven, tonight I am making a Pinto Bean & Ham Soup (using the leftover ham and hambone from T'Day) with some Cornbread. Realize that when I cook I rarely ever use anything from a box, it's from scratch lol ~ it's a thing of pride for me. :)

This past weekend C and I tore out the paneling (most of it not all, still have a wall to do) and put up drywall; Once we get all the drywall up we will paint it. Also refinishing the kitchen cabinets and putting on new hardware (handles, hinges etc.) The work on our home is a work in process lol there is pretty much always something being done.

Lares and Draco's birthday is coming up in the next week, they will be TWO!! It doesn't seem like that...they are so sweet and precious and full of mischieviousness at the same time. When C and I sit in the living room at night one or the other has a lap... they switch off occasionally during the evening until C and I go to bed. Kizmet is still missing Heathen dreadfully...so am I ~ badly. Can't seem to get past it.

I haven't been sleeping well at all for a couple weeks (actually since Heathen passed) I've been having loads of nightmares about one thing or other. Tornadoes, stabbing some man that was attacking me, trying to save Heathen from something and Goddess knows what else that I don't remember. Hence, panic attacks in the middle of the night. I've been getting up at 3 or 4 every morning because I just don't want to fall back asleep and dream those things again. I get up around 5 anyway weekdays to fix C's breakfast... I just wish those nightmares would stop. Would love to have a solid nights sleep without having to wakeup every 30 mintues or so, I know I do this because I look at the clock beside the bed when I do wake up. Sometimes I go outside to smoke a cig, yet for the past month I've become afraid to go outside at night, whenever I do I've been taking a big sharp kitchen knife with me. I hear things, see things and I don't even know if they are really there. We live in the country and I mean in the WOODS, so it could be any manner of thing ~ deer, racoons, opossums, squirrels, coyotes, birds shifting etc. But the thing is I've become afraid of someone coming up from the road and attacking me, it's DARK out there at night, there are no streetlights or anything like that, it's black unless the moon is shining. It's strange I know but I don't know what to do. Tried taking Ambien a couple of nights (not together) and all that does anymore is (yes, they put me to sleep ~ I take 2 10 mgs. of them, one doesn't work) give me nausea and migraines the next day so I don't take them. Whatever. (shrug).

Well, that's enough for now. I hope everyone has a great day, great week or whatever suits your fancy. Blessings, Teresa